Life of Kuroko Tetsuya
by Belles7
Summary: I am a shadow. Literally, I am a shadow. I will eventually fade away and the time has come.
1. Chapter 1

**Life of Kuroko Tetsuya**

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><p><em>Introduction: <em>

What would you do if you were going to disappear forever in a week? 168 hours to live. That's all the time you had to say your goodbyes, to try doing all the things you wanted to do, to voice all your pain, anger, sadness, hurt and worries to those you've always wanted to tell. What would you do? Don't tell me you'd remain living normally. Don't lie to me and say that you'd remain positive. Don't fucking tell me you wouldn't get depressed or frantic or scared shitless.

I knew my existence was coming to end after we won the Winter Cup. I had achieved my goal. I had defeated the generation of miracles who were once my teammates.

I am a shadow. Literally, a shadow. I will eventually fade away.

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><p>AN: Kinda depressed cuz of classes and stuff that happened...so I wrote something like this. This story's pretty much angst-y and kind of dark. It's pretty much set right after the Winter Cup. Seirin won and Kuroko's got a week left before he disappears. Some sort of fantasy theme added in here, that only applies to the idea that Kuroko's a shadow in some odd sense. It'll be explained later on in the story. The story's pretty much gonna be like a diary.


	2. Chapter 2

**Life of Kuroko Tetsuya**

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><p>Hour<em> #1:<em>

Desperate times call for desperate measures. I have things to say before I disappear. And that's why, I'm writing everything down. Seirin, if you're reading this, I'm probably already gone. It was nice playing with all of you. It was nice getting to know everyone.

_Riko-san:_ you were one of the most passionate coaches I've ever had. By the way, I've only had two.

_Hyuga-san_: you're a strong captain. I wish you the best in the coming games.

_Izuki-san:_ keep the team together with your eagle eye.

_Kagami-kun:_ listen to the others more. That'll do you some good. It was very nice being your shadow for a while. I know you'll do even better now. By the way, I'm still not sorry for tripping you during the match with Kirisaki Daichi. You deserved it. Almost got the team in trouble. Don't do that in the future or I'll come back and haunt you.

_Mitobe-san:_ Even though I've never heard you say a single word, I know you're a kind and generous person. Thank you for always bringing food to our matches. Riko-san's food would have decreased our chances of winning our matches.

_Koganei-san:_ I was proud to see you mark Mibuchi when we played against Rakuzan. You did a good job. You'll do even better.

_Furihata-kun_: I'm glad you marked Akashi-kun. It was a good experience for you. I could see your attitude change after that; you became more confident in yourself.

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><p><em>Hour #2:<em>

To my ex-teammates: Aomine-kun, Kise-kun, Murasakibara-kun, Midorima-kun, and Akashi-kun.

Yes. I am no longer in this world. Stop searching for me. You'll never find me. I hope you guys have changed your ways of basketball and come to enjoy playing it again. Basketball is fun.

_Aomine-kun:_ You thought I wouldn't be able to take you down. Well, I did. What now? Thank you very much for teaching me how to shoot. Being your shadow in middle school was one of the best and painful times of my life. I'm glad I got to meet you even though we don't get along on anything else but basketball. Momoi-san told me a while ago that you began to attend Touou's practice. Good. You need it. You can't always assume you'll be the best. Take Kagami-kun for example, he'll keep growing and growing. You need to train so you can beat him like you want to.

_Akashi-kun: _Bastard. You purposely didn't teach me how to shoot using my skills, did you? I hope you learned your lesson, but that doesn't mean I hate Akashi-kun. You'll always be my friend, no matter how evil and twisted you become. Akashi-kun, I hope you're being nice to your new teammates. Treat them better and cherish the time you have with them. Rely on them. Don't burden yourself so much. And remember, constantly being victorious isn't everything.

_Kise-kun_: You're still modeling? I'm sure you'll do fine, Kise-kun. I hope you're listening to Kasamatsu-san. He's a good example for you. Like I said when we were in middle school coming back home from the second string's match, ask yourself what you can do for your team. Self glory isn't everything. You made the right choice going to Kaijo.

_Murasakibara-kun_: I know you said you'd quit basketball and I know that was a lie. You love basketball too much to let it go. I'm glad I got to play against you. That knocked some sense into your head. How's Himuro-kun? He's doing well, I assume? He's a good teammate, Murasakibara-kun. He really loves basketball from the bottom of his heart. Be nice to him and don't get too lazy. Drink a vanilla milkshake for me, will you?

_Midorima-kun:_ What's my lucky item for today? I assume you're still devoted to Oha Asa. You still tape your fingers. You still wear glasses. You still have a friend name Takao who calls you Shin-chan. Midorima-kun, as much as you say that we do not get along, I happen to think that we do get along. Blood types shouldn't determine our friendship. I hope you're doing well. How far can you shoot now?

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><p><em>Hour #3:<em>

To my friend Momoi-san.

_Momoi-san_: I kept my promise to you. I made Aomine-kun smile again. Winter Cup was a good game. I was so happy to see everyone again. I'm glad that everything is patched up now. We can be friends again. No more tension. How are you doing, Momoi-san? Is Aomine-kun being good? If not, just burn his stacks of porn magazines. Call Akashi-kun, he'll know what to do. After all, he knows everything.

Momoi-san, you are a good friend of mine. Nigou really likes you. I think that's because you feed him food every time you visit. I don't mean to be blunt or rude, but I hope you forget about me and move on, Momoi-san. It's better that way. Once I'm gone, I'm gone forever. I understand that you are in pain and your heart is sad, but like I said that night, I am a shadow. I will eventually fade. I apologize for hurting you with the end of my existence.

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><p>AN: Was listening to the song: Boats and Birds by Gregory and the Hawks. It really does fit a dark-themed Kuroko story.


	3. Chapter 3

**Life of Kuroko Tetsuya**

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><p><em>Hour #4:<em>

To Kirisaki Daichi.

_Hanamiya Makato:_ I've played against people like you before. But you and your team were on a whole different level. Never in my entire life had I ever wanted to Ignite Pass Kai someone in the face so badly. Actually, I think at the time, I really wanted to drop the ball and punch you right in the nose. Is it bad that someone like me, who doesn't like violence, wanted to actually do something violent? I don't know.

I hope you're changing your way of playing basketball. Even if it's slowly changing your ways.

I'm still kind of angry for what you did to Kiyoshi-senpai. He's like an older brother to me and I never forget those who harm the ones I hold dear. Even though I'm gone, remember that the unseen is far scarier.

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><p><em>Hour #5: <em>

To Ogiwara Shigehiro.

_Ogiwara-kun_: I hope you're doing well. When I heard your voice in the last minutes of my game against Rakuzan, you gave me hope. I was so close to giving up, but you shined your light and I found my way out the dark. I'm extremely glad that you are continuing to play basketball. You have no idea how heartbroken I was when you said you would quit playing basketball. I hated every single one of my middle school teammates. I hated myself for not being good enough to influence them with the positive kind of playing. I don't know if you know, but I visited your middle school after we played against each other.

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><p><em>Hour #6: <em>

To Kiyoshi-senpai.

_Kiyoshi-senpai: _I hope your operation in the States went well. The last time I heard, you had already left for the States. A medical team was waiting to begin operating on your knee. I hope you'll get the chance to read this and I hope you'll recover and go back to playing basketball in no time. Seirin is waiting for your return.

Playing with you was a really good thing. You have such pure emotions for playing and that makes me glad because Seirin has you to rely on. Iron heart Kiyoshi. You always told us to have fun and play. It wasn't about winning. It was about doing our best and knowing that we gave our all. You made me not hate myself for believing in such things. Thank you very much, senpai. I wish you the best.

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><p>AN: that's it for now. suggestions on who's to come are welcomed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Life of Kuroko Tetsuya**

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><p><em>Hour #7: <em>

To Papa.

_Papa:_ I understand that I am short but I do not like being called a child when I am obviously not a child. I hate it when people pat my hair. Kagami-kun, you are guilty of doing that. I hate it when you grip my head like I'm some sort of baseball. Do I look like one? I hope you won't underestimate your opponents anymore, papa. I also hope that you improve your sportsmanship.

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><p><em>Hour #8: <em>

To Nigou.

_Nigou:_ You are my first pet. I love you so much and I am so glad I found you. Spend more time with the others now that I am gone. Play more with Kagami-kun. He needs your love. You kept me company when I was lonely, Nigou, and for that I will always be grateful.

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><p><em>Hour #9: <em>

To Mayuzumi Chihiro.

_Mayuzumi Chihiro:_ Despite our little conversation during Winter Cup, I hope that you stop comparing yourself to me. You are you and I am I. We are two different and separate people. Cherish yourself and continue to grow in your own ways. I actually heard that you are fond of light novels as well. What a pity we could not talk about our books.

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><p><em>Hour #9:<em>

To Mibuchi Reo.

_Mibuchi Reo:_ I didn't get to speak with you but from what I have heard, you openly shower your affection for Akashi-kun. I am glad he has someone like you in his life. Thaw the cold ice around his heart. I have done what I can for the amount of time I was able to live.

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><p>AN: yeah. I'm back now. Things have somewhat settled down :)

Thanks for all the reviews guys: Guest. Kiri Natsumi-Tetsuya. Kuroshiroryuu. Sweet Monster.

And Sweet Monster: Yes, there will be explanation on kuroko's situation and erm...things will go darker.


	5. Chapter 5

**Life of Kuroko Tetsuya**

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><p><em>Hour #10:<em>

It's beginning already. Only ten hours into this process and I'm already fading. I don't want to go yet. It's not my time is what I want to say, but I can't deny the truth. Time is slowly ticking away.

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><p><em>Hour #11:<em>

To Riko-san.

I understand why you yelled at me today. I apologize for slacking off. There are no excuses for my poor behavior. Just saying that I was not in the mood to play basketball is not good enough. It's ironic isn't it? A person like me who loves basketball with all their heart and now that love has dwindled away.

Things change. I apologize again Riko-san. Don't worry about me.

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><p><em>Hour #12: <em>

To Kagami-kun.

You don't have to hide it. If you're mad at me for my terrible performance, then just say it. I won't take offense to it. After all, we are a team right? You are the light and I am the shadow. I live to let you shine.

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><p><em>Hour #13: <em>

I couldn't sleep tonight. Every time I sleep, I dream that I no longer exist. The darkness comes for me. I'm afraid of the dark now. I don't want to be a shadow anymore. I want to be in the light. Just for once. Save me. Anyone.


	6. Chapter 6

**Life of Kuroko Tetsuya**

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><p><em>Hour #14:<em>

To okaa-san.

I am deeply sorry for smashing the clock. I really hate the sound of its ticking hand. It makes me nervous. It's like there's a bomb latched on my back. Every move I make kills me on the inside with fear.

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><p><em>Hour #15:<em>

Today I read a book and I realized something. I need to read as much as I can. Read before I can no longer touch another book.

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><p><em>Hour #16:<em>

While in the middle of reading, I realized another thing. I don't want to become a book no one will ever read. Something no one will ever remember again.

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><p><em>Hour #17:<em>

Akashi-kun. I apologize for not picking up your calls. I don't want to put myself in any more pain. Getting attached to you will only make me suffer even more.

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><p><em>Hour #18:<em>

Stop calling me. I'm fine.

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><p><em>Hour #19:<em>

No. Keep calling me. It keeps me sane.

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><p><em>Hour #20:<em>

What's the point of having a calendar? There are no more memories for me to make, no need to interact with you all.

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><p><em>Hour #21:<em>

If you were wondering why I haven't been answering your calls everyone, it's because I disabled my phone.


	7. Chapter 7

**Life of Kuroko Tetsuya**

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><p><em>Hour #22: <em>

Today I went to the arcade with Akashi-kun. It was really fun even though he showed up with no notice. You made my day better. Thank you. Though I don't really know why you insisted on me keeping the teddy bear.

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><p><em>Hour #23:<em>

Murasakibara happened to be in Tokyo today. Oddly enough, he treated me to milkshake and then we went candy shopping. Well, more like sweet shopping.

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><p><em>Hour #24:<em>

Aomine-kun, why did you suddenly want to play basketball with me for no reason? You know I was going to lose. Nonetheless, it was nice playing with my old light.

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><p><em>Hour #25: <em>

Are you guys visiting me because my mom said that I'm depressed? Is that why you've been coming to me frequently?

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><p><em>Hour #26:<em>

It was nice talking with you this evening, Momoi-san. I can't believe you still have that Popsicle stick.

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><p><em>Hour #27:<em>

Midorima-kun. I'm surprised you gave me my lucky item for the day as a gift too. Thank very much? I don't know if it'll keep my future away.

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><p><em>Hour #28:<em>

Nijimura-san. I'm really glad I met you today. Did Akashi-kun tell you about me? Is that why you suddenly appeared? I thought you were in America. Thank you for being a good captain even though you stepped down to give the position to Akashi-kun. You were nice and strict as well. I hope your dad's doing well.

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><p><em>Hour #29:<em>

Himuro-kun. What a pleasure and surprise to see you again. I'm glad you talked to me about your problem. I hope you settle things with Kagami-kun. I can tell that he is very important to you as well. Make sure you tell him what you really feel.

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><p><em>Hour #30:<em>

Sensei. You marked me absent this morning. I was here.

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><p><em>Hour #31:<em>

I scared the library committee this afternoon. I guess my presence is fading even more now.

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><p><em>Hour #32:<em>

Riko-san. I am not sick. I'm perfectly fine. I can continue playing. Do I really look that pale?

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><p><em>Hour #33:<em>

Nigou kept crying at my feet when I got home. He's whimpering now. I told him to stop crying and he howled emotionally. I guess even animals have feelings. Will you cry for me, Nigou?


	8. Chapter 8

**Life of Kuroko Tetsuya**

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><p><em>Hour #34:<em>

You must hate me now Akashi-kun. I lashed out at you for no good reason. I just really wanted to be alone. Please leave me be.

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><p><em>Hour #35:<em>

I'm sorry okaa-san. I wasn't listening to you.

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><p><em>Hour #36:<em>

Every time I look at someone, it's like they don't even see me. They're looking right through me. Am I really that ghostly? It's only the 36th hour. What's next? Me becoming translucent?

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><p><em>Hour #37: <em>

To make myself feel real, I cut myself. The sight of my own blood trickling down my arm keeps me somewhat grounded in the present. I really am disgusting aren't I? Taking pleasure from the sight of my own blood. It makes me happy to know that I'm still alive, that I still exist. I have a body.

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><p><em>Hour #38:<em>

I apologize I yelled at you all today, Kagami-kun, Riko-san, Hyuga-san and everyone else. Seirin, you all have a special place in my heart. Remember that. No matter what I say from now on, don't take it to heart. I'm just moody. My mouth won't stop. I'm overwhelmed. That's all.

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><p><em>Hour #39:<em>

Okaa-san. It's fine. They're just cuts. They'll fade away when I do. Don't burden yourself with worries.

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><p><em>Hour #40:<em>

Akashi-kun. What is wrong with you? Why confess your feelings to me now? That is really bad timing. I'm sorry if I hurt you when I rejected you. It's best to not get your hopes up, especially when I'll be leaving soon.

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><p><em>Hour #41:<em>

I really admire your determination Akashi-kun but we're never going to date. Though listening to our favorite songs together made me feel very happy. Just siting with you in the coffee shop made me feel at peace. It reminded me of our good days. If only I could stay there forever with everyone.

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><p><em>Hour #42:<em>

What if I become a song no one ever listens to again?


	9. Chapter 9

_Hour #43:_

Sensei you asked me what I wanted to be in my future. I said I wanted to be a kindergarten teacher but I lied. What I really want to be is a living being.

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><p><em>Hour #44:<em>

I can no longer feel the warmth of hot water when it touches my skin but for some reason, I can still feel your warmth Akashi-kun. Why must you do this to me?

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><p><em>Hour #45:<em>

I apologize Riko-san for fainting during practice today. My body is beginning to give up on me now.

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><p><em>Hour #46:<em>

I went to the nurse and she panicked because my pulse was faint. Ironic isn't it? Lack of presence and now I am beginning to lose my heartbeat.

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><p><em>Hour #47:<em>

I'm sorry Akashi-kun for making you worried. I didn't mean to cry tonight and in front of you of all people; but when you held me in your arms, I could hear your heart beat and for once in these past few days, I felt safe.

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><p><em>Hour #48:<em>

Akashi-kun. I love you. I'm sorry I couldn't bring myself to say it out loud. I failed you and I failed myself.

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><p><em>Hour #49:<em>

Okaa-san, medicine and treatment will do nothing to help me. This is something no man can fix; it's not sickness. Please understand.

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><p><em>Hour #50: <em>

I went to the daycare to volunteer today and one of the kids asked me what makes me happy. Friends. They make me happy. Seeing all of you happy gives me joy.

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><p><em>Hour #51:<em>

Now that I think about it. I feel a bit envious when I see people smile.

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><p><em>Hour #52: <em>

I had a nice dream. I died.

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><p><em>Hour #53: <em>

I had a nightmare. I disappeared.

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><p><em>Hour #54:<em>

What do I fear? Being forgotten.

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><p><em>Hour #55:<em>

Today I was able to sincerely smile.

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><p><em>Hour #56:<em>

I bumped into Hanamiya-san today. He said that my eyes look different now. They lack the light they once had is what he said.

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><p><em>Hour #57:<em>

Akashi-kun kissed me today. I don't know what else to say.

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><p><em>Hour #58:<em>

What's this pain in my chest every time I think of him? I'm afraid to lose him.

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><p><em>Hour #59:<em>

I don't want to disappear. Not yet. I'm in love now and I don't want to lose it.

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><p><em>Hour #60:<em>

I decided to make the most of my time while I can. Today, we went on our first date. Sei and I. It was fun and very enjoyable. Thank you, Sei.

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><p><em>Hour #61: <em>

Sei fell asleep on my shoulder. He looked very peaceful. I can't help but wonder if that's that how I will look one day.

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><p><em>Hour #62:<em>

Sei said I was crying in my sleep. I suppose I did because I could feel something warm take away the coldness from my face.


End file.
